Here’s a question for you: What’s the difference between a learning activity and a play activity? Answer: There is none. When your child is playing, she’s advancing her skills and understanding. Playing is learning. As proof, give your child something to do that’s beneath her skill level. What will happen? She won’t want to play anymore. Why? –Because there’s nothing to learn.

So, from your perspective, you can feel good about the fact that when your child is engaged in a play activity, learning is taking place.

The trick is to make the play activity feel special. In other words, you want to lift it out of the emotional battlefield so it feels fresh and new and exciting. When this happens, you dramatically increase the likelihood that your child will become fully engaged in the activity. This reduces your stress level and helps to promote a healthy learning environment.

Here’s the secret to changing the perception of an activity so that it feels fresh and exciting. It’s really very simple: Announce the activity in advance. For example, tell your child that at 11:00 today you’re going to have “a special activity–a super challenge of skill and will to see who can outwit their opponent once and for all.” Then when 11:00 comes, play Go Fish, I Spy, or a game of marbles. Or announce that at 2:00 you’re going to have a super science challenge, then when 2:00 rolls around try to locate ten different bugs with a magnifying glass, or float stuff on water.

I can assure you that, within reason, no matter the activity–practicing tying a shoe, counting beans, playing alphabet games, etc–if you announce it in advance it will feel special to your child.

Here’s the advantages of announcing an activity in advance:

• It builds your child’s anticipation.
• It removes the activity from the politics of the here and now.
• It reinforces your child’s confidence that you’re committed to fun.
• It improves the quality of the activity because you’ve planned ahead.

Of course you have to keep up with your child’s rapidly advancing skills. You can’t keep offering the same activities over and over. Rather–try variations on existing activities. For example, instead of just “playing blocks,” see who can build the tallest tower in less than thirty seconds, one minute, five minutes, etc. Instead of playing the same card games, introduce more challenging games like rummy or cribbage. You’d be surprised at how quickly your child catches on.

Best of Luck!

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When the first recess came, I decided to apply the concept behind the kids’ story, Stone Soup. First we needed a train–something easy and familiar that would gather attention. Kids fell in line behind me and the line grew longer. We wound through the playground, around a tree, over a swinging bridge, through the sandbox. All the kids had a sense of purpose.

When we reached our campsite, a patch of grass, we sat in a circle around a rubber tire, which became our kettle. I told the kids I needed a square meal as much as they did, but we’d need stuff to make a soup. Just our luck, I said, here’s an ear of corn–and I put a stone in the center of the tire. The kids took the cue and scattered across the playground collecting stuff.

They’d come back and drop a tuft of grass in the tire and say, here’s some cabbage. Here’s an onion. I caught a fish. We took turns stirring the soup. A few minutes later I used a make-believe ladle to fill their make-believe bowls, and we ate with make-believe utensils. We traded adventure stories about the pretend hills and forest where they collected things for the soup. Some stories were only one sentence long. Others were longer, but they all wanted to contribute. Not one kid was bored. No one was misbehaving.

The experience taught me how easy it is to inspire kids to focus. It doesn’t take any special resources. You don’t have to be a genius, and you don’t need a bunch of gadgets. It’s enough to remember that a little direction goes a long way.

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Here, I believed, was my chance. In my opinion I would be first in every event.¹

Leading up to the event Aram imagines himself winning all of the events, not once, but hundreds of times. You would think the act of imagining success would serve to reinforce Aram’s confidence. Possibly it does, but in the end it makes no difference. Despite the fact that in the beginning of the first event, the fifty yard dash, Aram believes himself to be moving at an extraordinary rate, when he opens his eyes there are three boys ahead of him. As the race progresses, regardless of what Aram intends to happen, his position only worsens. He ends up finishing last, and faces much the same result in all the other events. What happened?

The author does a wonderful job demonstrating that all the confidence in the world is no substitute for practice. It really doesn’t matter what Aram thinks or believes. He didn’t practice.

I think diminishing the idea of confidence is an excellent lesson for parents. If we want our child to perform better in an area–say, mathematics for example, then we need to spend more time with our child on math games and exercises. Of course, it’s easier to try to instill a sense of confidence in our a child–the old “pep talk” comes to mind. On the other hand, it requires effort to set up activities and exercises to help our child to strengthen a skill set. It might require changing our habits, turning off the television, missing a few emails. But in the end, our habits, our routine–the environment that we create for our kids–is immeasurably more valuable than a confidence booster now and then.

After all, confidence isn’t a catalyst–it’s a result.

1. Saroyan, William. “The Fifty Yard Dash.” My Name is Aram. New York: Dell, 1967. Pg 51.

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Here’s three highly effective learning strategies that are also easy to remember. I’ve written about them before , but now I’m summarizing them. They are Montessorial in nature, but you don’t have to send your child to a Montessori school to apply these ideas. They’re designed to strengthen your child’s learning experience. They don’t cost anything and you don’t have to be an astral physicist to figure them out.

1. One activity at a time. Let your child exhaust the possibilities of one activity before you introduce something new. When your child is playing an activity, she’s making critical connections and advancing her understanding. Countless choices are being made. New ideas are taking shape. On top of this, she’s strengthening trust and confidence in her own abilities, and—maybe most important of all, she’s developing the habit of exploring something completely. So do your child a favor and let her finish exploring one activity before you introduce something new. When she gets bored, she’ll let you know.

2. Quality Playtime. What is quality playtime? –It’s playtime without interruption. That means no TV. No blaring music. No phone calls. Your child is 10x more capable than you think. But you have to give her an environment that allows her abilities to develop. There is no better way for your child to strengthen her attention span and ability to focus than to allow her to sink completely into an activity. That means no interruptions. Whether it’s for 1/2 hour per day, or three hours per day, set aside time every single day for quality playtime.

3. Figure it out by herself. When we see a child doing something slowly and inefficiently, it’s tempting to jump in and show them the “right way to do it.” But that approach develops your child’s dependency on other people for the right answers. Suppose your child is trying to adjust her swim goggles, for instance. What’s the harm in allowing her to fiddle with the straps until she figures it out for herself? If she can’t get it, she’ll just ask for help. But who knows–she might invent a new way to do it. More importantly, your child is developing confidence in her own ability to figure things out.

You can remember these three learning strategies by the acronym: One Quality Figure (short for One Activity at a Time, Quality Playtime and Figure it out for herself). Just make a mental image of a stick figure and say to yourself–wow, that’s One Quality Figure.

Mnemonic techniques aside, these strategies are founded on the premise that the essence of playing is learning. As evidence, just give your child something to do that’s beneath her skill level. What will happen? She’ll be bored right away. She won’t want to play. Why? Because there’s nothing to learn. So it’s no stretch to say that, from your child’s perspective, the best part about playing is learning.

The strategies described in this article are aimed at strengthening your child’s overall motivation and enthusiasm toward learning. They don’t cost anything, and you don’t have to be an expert in child development to figure them out. Just think in terms of daily routine: if you allow your child to develop solid learning habits one day at a time, her attention span and ability to focus will surprise you in more ways than you can count. Best of luck!

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If you’re trying to whip up excitement, you’re over-shooting the mark. Keep things simple. How interested do you think your child is going to be in a classroom if she’s in the habit of super-charging her emotions with stylish gadgetry? Not very. Give her things to do that stimulate her curiosity, not her emotions.

Counting beans, for example, is a great activity to do with your toddler. It offers significant conceptual building skills, and it’s easy on the parent because you get to sit on the floor and more or less relax. It invites your child’s input in determining outcomes, and it is open-ended with unlimited possibilities.

The wonder of counting beans cannot be achieved through an electronic device. If just learning to count were the objective, then the electronic device would be equal to the task. But one activity advances learning skills, while the other advances learning information. One is based in the real world with real things being moved, weighed and grouped. The other is not. One offers the relation of objects to gravity. The other does not. One can be deposited in a jar to displace a quantifiable measure of water. The other cannot. One appeals accurately to the senses. The other does not. One can be exchanged for macaroni, pebbles, marbles, twigs. The other cannot. One can be glued to paper and painted and hung on the wall. The other cannot. The point is that the best toys and activities—the ones that build solid learning skills—are usually the simplest in nature.

Should you avoid making electronic gadgetry available to your child under any circumstances? No, that’s not the case. Just be aware of trends and habits that develop. Down to earth educational toys and activities will be enjoyable for your child if they are the norm. If watching television and playing electronic games are the norm, then skill building activities will seem like work.

Related material (NPR audio): Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills

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Structured play has a set of rules with specific objectives. Most games fall under the category of structured play: card games, board games and classic outdoor games like red-light-green-light and tag are all structured activities. Putting puzzles together is a structured activity. So is following directions to assemble a toy, model airplane or Lego theme set. Organized sports—soccer, hockey, tennis, etc.—are all examples of structured activities. Generally speaking, when your child is engaging in structured play, she is seeking the most efficient way to achieve pre-existing objectives.

Unstructured play is open ended with unlimited possibilities. Playing with blocks is unstructured play. So is coloring, drawing or painting on blank paper. Deciding how to play with a toy airplane or doll is unstructured play. Inventing games to play is unstructured activity. So is running around the playground or park. Generally speaking, when your child is engaging in unstructured play, she is in the process of establishing her own objectives.

A consideration more important than structured vs. unstructured play is to ask whether the activity holds your child’s full attention. When your child is fully engaged in an activity, she is arranging and absorbing meaning. She’s finding reward in the act of understanding. She’s enjoying figuring it out, whether the “it”—the activity— is structured or unstructured. If you make a habit of providing quality playtime to your child, she’ll make a habit of taking ownership of an activity and applying her ingenuity and creativity to their fullest. That’s a valuable habit—a lifetime learning habit that does not have its origin in structured or unstructured play, but rather in quality play.

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The single most important thing about playtime is that it’s fun. When your child is having fun, her interest level is at a maximum.

You buy certain toys for your child and she doesn’t want to play with them. Here are some thoughts on that. First of all, your child isn’t going to like every toy. Some are just too difficult, and others are just too trivial. So be aware of age appropriate toys. The good ones your child will love and want to play with over and over. Why is that? The answer to that question will help guide your strategy about toys in general.

Your child plays with her favorite toy over and over because it generates activity. So from your perspective the challenge is to shift your thinking toward activities. Your five year old probably isn’t going to play much with the horn you bought her, no matter how much it cost, what color it is, etc. It’s most likely going to sit in the closet. But if you give her the horn, and you use a stick for a flute, and you pretend you’re in a parade that’s marching through the house, you’ll have an activity she’ll want to do again and again. The question is, will you want to do it again and again?

Here’s the point: forget about great toys and start thinking about great activities. Playing with blocks is an activity. Playing with dolls is an activity. Counting beans is an activity. Coloring is an activity. Play acting is an activity. Making a tent with sheets is an activity. Playing marbles is an activity. Making puppets is an activity. Telling stories is an activity. Reading is an activity.

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Your child comes completely prepared to absorb the wonderful benefits of playtime. You, on the other hand, have complicated responsibilities, numerous friends, financial concerns, etc. Listen: put that aside for a while. Turn off your cell phone; turn off the television; don’t answer your land line, etc.

Whether it’s for a total of four hours a day, or half an hour a day, make playtime a world. Your child will ‘fall into’ an activity if you allow her. That means you’re right there—gentle, patient, interested. It doesn’t take any special resources to make this happen. Just participate. Don’t allow interruptions. Generally speaking, from your child’s perspective something is an interruption if it interrupts your participation. So if the neighbor’s dog is barking, ignore it. If the phone rings, ignore it. If you have to answer it–of course, it’s not the end of the world. But if you make a habit of multi-tasking during play time, you’ll see your child’s attention span getting shorter and shorter.

On the other hand, one of the great benefits of uninterrupted playtime is the expansion of your child’s attention span and ability to stay focused. Your child is interested and stays interested because she is exploring something. She’s figuring it out. She’s making connections and advancing her understanding. Not only is her proficiency at absorbing and re-arranging concepts accelerated—she’s also forming the habit of learning something completely. Those are powerful factors in terms of your child’s ability to learn. Give your child a capacity for learning that cannot be achieved in any other way. Set aside part of every day for uninterrupted playtime.

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This method of play is so basic and simple, yet so fundamental to your child’s creative and cognitive development. It goes like this: stick with one activity until your child is done exploring the possibilities.

You’re sitting on the floor playing with wooden blocks, for example. You’re building something and your child is building something, or you’re working on something together. You’re sure to praise your child’s efforts and ask questions periodically (‘Wow, I really like that tower. Does anybody live in it?’) Ten minutes later because you want to see your child “really” excited by something, you pull out the busy body bumble-bee puppet and start whizzing it around. It just doesn’t make sense.

When your child is playing, the whole idea is to give her a safe, comfortable way to explore the many possibilities of an object or activity. She’ll build on what she knows, begin to take chances and link aspects of the activity in all kind of ways if you let her. (’I’m making a path for Grandma’s cat to walk on.’) But that won’t happen if you get bored first and switch activities.

Here’s why you’ll get bored before your child: if you stick with one activity at a time and practice quality playtime on a daily basis, your child’s attention span will quickly grow. She’ll stay interested in an activity longer than you because intrinsic rewards are registering as she learns and invents, and that’s fun and fulfilling. She’ll fall into the habit of wanting to complete a certain way of doing or looking at something, no matter how long it takes. You, on the other hand, are likely to find your child’s activities highly repetitive and uninteresting.

My advice: tough it out. Stay with one activity long enough to let your child invent and connect a variety of situations on her own terms. When she’s finished, she’ll let you know. In the meantime, her habit of pursuing something to the end will strengthen her capacity to play by herself. More importantly, her cognitive tenacity and confidence in her own abilities will develop into life-long learning skills.

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If your child is trying to put batteries in a flashlight, for example, don’t jump in and show her the “right way” when it appears she’s doing it the wrong way. Why not—there’s only one right way to put batteries in a flashlight, isn’t there? Maybe, maybe not. A more important question is: what’s the hurry? Your child might invent a new way of doing something if you give her the chance.

Consider the following: your child fumbles awhile before aligning the polarity of the batteries and making the light go on. In this case, because she did it herself, she more fully understands the symbols and meaning of the components involved. She’s also more likely to take similar chances in the future because her belief in her own abilities has increased.

Another outcome: in her fumbling, your child invents a new way for batteries to work together. That’s impossible, you say—there’s only one way for batteries to work together. Really? If that’s the approach you take on a regular basis, then your child’s understanding will, at best, level out at your degree of understanding. She may be a “smart cookie,” but that’s only because she repeats what you already know, and that feels good. By contrast, if you allow your child to explore seemingly predictable tasks, then her level of understanding has unlimited potential.

The one approach fosters dependence, whereby your child routinely looks to others for answers. The other fosters independence, whereby your child is comfortable pursuing multiple avenues of problem solving by herself. As your child grows older and tasks become less predictable, and answers become more complex or even unknown (curing cancer for instance), the difference between dependent and independent habits is paramount.

Another outcome: your child works the batteries this way and that until she asks for help. In this case, because your child asked for help, she’s more likely to value and understand your input. She asked for it in the first place, and it directly links to her own efforts. By contrast, if help is imposed—‘here, let me show you how to do that’— then your child is more likely to abandon ownership of the situation and learn nothing, even if it’s explained to her.

Another outcome: your child throws the flashlight down and runs out of the room. Well, big deal. It won’t be the last time, and part of a being a parent is dealing responsibly with your child’s emotional ups and downs. Be sure to remind her from time to time that when she needs help, she can always ask for it. She also might be responding to the feeling that someone’s always hovering over her shoulder, monitoring the results. If that’s the case, remember–it’s enough to simply value the process of creative learning. Turn the process into a matter of routine: a lifestyle. Then go with the flow. The rewards will appear by themselves–you don’t need to be on the lookout for them.

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